Blank Stares.

I now know why
I always tend to over-analyze
to ensure I stay intact mentally
instead of a mind tragedy

I'm being eaten alive
it's like I stepped outside
with shorts in Russian winter
Frostbitten between the eyes

I choose to love
But apparently it's just an invitation
To be let down religiously
Guess I need a new feeling



So I have more to say, but my mind went blank.
So until the words come back.. I guess I'm out.

Speechless.
Ari

lies.

So who coined the phrase "You get what you expect" ???

I want to find him (because it's probably a man that came up with that #shotsfired) and bring him to reality.

Because how many of us always get what we expect? Probably a low percentage.

So I expected something yesterday, and I didn't get. So I'm calling the BS when I see it, and taking out my frustration on the guy who decided to give me a pipe dream and told me it would all come to fruition, and all I had to do was the simple act of expectation.

Talk about BS.
Now I'll be living with the alternative, and I'm coining this phrase as my knight in shining armor. Because it will help protect me from how I feel right now (ie. dejected/rejected/let down/forgotten/etc.)

"Always expect less than your expectations."

Hurt.
AB

Digital Girl. Day Two.

So I guess this means it's no longer a digital experience. I'm no longer a digital girl. Actually, why did I even put it in the title?

Probably because I will have to revert back to digital after this once-in-a-blue-moon mountain-top experience expires. And it will. It's so inevitable it's not even funny.

You may be mad at me for "seizing the moment" but what's to do when it's finally right in front of you staring into your eyes, holding your hand, kisisng your forehead? Yeah I thought so.

So back behind the wall created for me, I just gotta prepare my mind and heart.  But I'm not gonna let it cause me to push him away until the screen comes back.

Love.

Digital Girl.

Things just got very real for me.

I told myself I wouldn't get lost in my thoughts, but alas, here I am. Abstaining from name mentions (we have twitter for that), my life just got a little more complicated.

I really didn't think feeling like this was possible.  I mean, what's a girl who missed her 4-year window supposed to expect?  All I kept telling myself was to keep my distance, don't get sucked in and.... boom (there goes the dynamite)!

I have no idea where this is going next so I guess I'll keep writing my thoughts because my brain is overloaded right now.

Think I feel better already.

-Ari

Grace: Saving & Keeping

[Titus 2:11-12]  For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.  It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age..."

Are you saved?  Do you believe in Jesus as your Lord and Savior? Do you believe that by the grace of God you are one of his children?

Well I have news for you... that SAME grace was given to help us to live the right lifestyle!

When I was introduced to this scripture by my pastor on Sunday, it hit me like a brick.  I was leaving the salvation part up to Christ, but the living right part I was trying to do it on my own.  Saying no to worldly passions? Ha, I thought it had to be up to me to keep it together, and I kept failing God and myself everytime.  But this scripture has taught me that if I believe that the grace of God has set me free, I must believe that the same grace can help me live a life that is pleasing to Him.

So it is not an excuse for us to say that we are saved, but living right is just a mysterious land that simply cannot be done.  We've got to believe the WHOLE thing.  Not only does grace save, but it keeps!  And if we don't believe grace can keep us, how can we believe that grace can save us?

Now the letter to Titus continues [v. 13&14]:

"...while we wait for the blessed hope - the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us all from wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good."

Isn't that something good to look forward to? Aren't you eager to do what is good? Well I am.  And the grace of God will help me to say "NO" to what isn't.

Breakeven.

Sometimes I sit and dream of a world where love was was only possible to feel in the most perfect situation. A place where you weren't reduced to friend space just because the other was scared. A place where people took chances just to obtain said love.

I think our society has gotten to the point where love is just an accessory. What used to be expressions of love have been boiled down to the desire to be physically connected. Spiritual connection seems to have been put on the backburner for a more tangible, immediate release.

So why haven't I gotten the memo?

For some reason, I still hold on to the promise God has given me, and like I was telling one of my sisters this morning, I refuse to waste my time with a false sense of security for pseudo-love. Most of me didn't want to let go because I saw so much potential there and I wanted it to be everything I needed. But I failed to understand that potential just isn't enough if the other person isn't seeing it the same way.

So I guess it's a good thing that I've stayed single this long. Perhaps I just have to learn how to be more than a one-man woman.

Anyone have any skills in playing the field... the RIGHT way?
I need your help.

-AriMaria-

Dead End.

When nothing's going your kinda right
Its hard to see anything but wrong
Its hard to stay strong
Don't even ask me about lasting long
Or singing sweet songs

Like a sweet melody
Each note hitting your ear
Giving you a feeling like there is no
care in the world and
there ain't a thing to worry about and
yeah...

Whatever,
That's all a collage
Of shoulda-woulda-couldas
and maybe-if-i-just-said-that-one-thing
twisted views of the 20-20 hindsight
Makes me want to give up the fight

To be a better me.

So where's the right I'm not seeing?
They tell me it's God's plan
But all God is giving me are dead ends....