Thursday, June 17, 2010

Connect Four.

Today, my high school ex asked me a question: "Am I trustworthy?"
My answer: "I can't say I know you well enough now to answer that, but you haven't given me a reason to not trust you."

Then he proceeded to let me know that he wants to earn the trust of his current girlfriend back, and as a result would like to stop communicating in the future, at least until he's proven himself trustworthy to her. I respect that.

But what that did was just unearth a philosophy that has been dormant in the sub-basement cubicles of my brain, and lead to a twitter discussion that tried to answer the question: "should exes be friends, much less be in contact?"

And of course people immediately began to come up with "levels" of exes such as:

  • Length of dating period
  • Extent of relationship (were you in love, friends before you dated, etc.)
  • Why you broke up
And those are just a few variables.  But you know, since I'm all about doing things like Christ (WWJD ya feel me), I went to the bible and did a little research to develop my philosophy.  Remember, you can disagree with me, this is my opinion and I back it with my faith.  If you don't share my faith I don't expect you to feel me.  I'm not offended.

So since my walk with God is pretty practical (I fight with God all the time about making me wait for a better relationship), here's what I've concluded on the matter, regardless of situation/people involved/timing:

  1. If your initial relationship was based on Godly principles, you probably wouldn't even have to deal with this issue because you wouldn't have gotten too deep with someone or even into a relationship without clearing things with God himself.  If you say you're saved and you claim Jesus as your Lord, you would have considered him in the decision to even START with that person. But if you didn't....
  2. If your new girlfriend or boyfriend is made to feel uncomfortable by the type of relationship you have with your exes (even if it is innocent), it is your job to make them feel comfortable.  I don't know about you, but I don't enter into exclusive relationships unless they have marriage potential.  So if you look at your current gf/bf as such, why would you even want to risk it just for a fleeting friendship from a past chapter? Speaking of chapters...
  3. Life is full of seasons! Yeah, we hear it all the time at graduations/weddings/New Year's Watchnight services: "This is the start of a new chapter in your life. A clean slate. Make the most of it." But somehow when we apply this same life lesson to relationships, we want to alter the belief to fit what we want.  This is where we go wrong. When relationships end, thats the end of that season. You don't need to go back there. 
  • Bible reference: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
    • "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven"
The only reason why this generation struggles with this concept is because it is so easy to stay in contact.  Back in the day, you actually had to work hard to make sure you didn't lose contact with people.  Now all we need is a quick facebook search and we're back in there! So with that freedom comes responsibility to make the right choices and choose the right people to invest our time in.

No matter how you feel about the topic, we all gotta be mindful of who our decisions affect in the long run. Keep that in mind next time you want to open how your mind to an ex.


Sunday, June 6, 2010

Spoiler Alert - Seven Pounds

I was going to write poetry, but i suppose prose is best because I just have so much sitting on my heart.

So I just finished watching Seven Pounds, and it provoked me to wonder... would I have it in me to give my life for others? I mean, this man didn't even die nicely. He lied in an ice cold bathtub and allowed himself to be stung by jellyfish. Besides being altogether random, he endured physical pain as he lay fading away from life on Earth.

Now while I never condone suicide, for I do think Tim Thomas should have sought serious counseling following the fateful car accident caused mainly by his disregard to the oncoming traffic (due to texting while driving), what he did really touched me because it was one man who changed seven lives by giving his.

So I wonder, how many lives can I affect by giving of myself?  I always hear people talk about leaving a legacy, or knowing that their lives were a success by the amount of people who show up for the Homegoing Service, but sometimes I think about the people's lives I affect without they even knowing it.

Like how about let's look at the bible:
Exodus 20:5-6:
"...for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing mercy to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."

So pretty much that says if I sin, and hate God, I won't be punished, but my children FOUR generations down will get the brunt of my disobedience.  But it also says that God will show MERCY to thousands of generations, and all I have to do is obey.

Yeah so you may say: "But Ari! That's that Christian 'mumbo-jumbo'".
So let's talk about "real life" (although as a Christian woman, my life is integrated with the teachings in God's word... but that's not you.. or is it?).

We are not living for ourselves! Life does not begin and end with the fact that I'm breathing today instead of in 1987 (I wasn't born yet, for those of you who didn't catch that).  I am living at this very moment because I am supposed to be here!  YOU are supposed to be here. Perhaps not to simply commit suicide like our fictitious character Tim, but we are all here to help impact the life of someone else who is simultaneously impacting someone else.

We are a tangled web, in a world of social networking this connection is made even more evident.  I'm sure you had that moment where you saw a friend mention someone YOU KNOW on Twitter, and you're like "dang.. I didn't know (Paul) knew (Ashley).. small world!" Yeah it happens to me all the time.  So in this tangled web we are challenged to make decisions that will not only impact us, but everywhere our string connects. and since our connections are linked to other connections.... we have the ability to not only affect SEVEN, but the world.

So before you make your next big decision, or even little decision, remember that you are not living for yourself.  Whether Christian or not, friendless or popular, in love or single, you are linked to more people than you know.  But don't let it be a burden, allow it to be an opportunity to be great.

I'm just trying to be awesome too.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The L Word. Revisited.

Yeah, I was trying to figure out how long I could keep that up.

But I can't... because the feeling isn't leaving me.

So yeah. I love him.

I just slept in all day trying to figure out what went so awry this weekend, and the only thing I can come up with is that I just wasn't true to myself.  I played it way too cool and acted like it didn't mean much to me when it meant the world to see him looking at me like that.

So maybe I deserved it, because my body language treated him the same way.

Why am I so guarded?  Like I'm always waiting to be hurt.  Sometimes I feel like I throw my heart in front of a moving train, yet still manage to be surprised when it gets hit hard.

I never give love hope; instead I give it an expiration date.  Always focused on what's about to go wrong rather than on what's going absolutely right - right now.

So yeah. I love him.  But now I think it's too late.

Another lesson learned the hard way. It's like my personal motif.


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The L Word.

There are so many words that start with the letter "L"

But there's one I'm just refusing to say
Because it keeps Letting me down
And making me feel Less than
Like my feelings have been put on Layaway

So i zip up these Lips
And refuse to admit
Because hopefully one of these days
The feeling will cease to exist

So why Let it still take my breath away
My Life is drained
Longing to rid this pain
Latched onto disdain

So all these other "L" words
I'll form on these Lips
Loyal to the cause
I will not slip

And perhaps the "L" word will learn a lesson to treat me better one of these days...

Just to Get By

Let Your kingdom come; let Your will be done; on Earth, as it is in Heaven.

^^That's gonna get me through this day.

Broken. Slightly Cracked.

Blank Stares.

I now know why
I always tend to over-analyze
to ensure I stay intact mentally
instead of a mind tragedy

I'm being eaten alive
it's like I stepped outside
with shorts in Russian winter
Frostbitten between the eyes

I choose to love
But apparently it's just an invitation
To be let down religiously
Guess I need a new feeling

So I have more to say, but my mind went blank.
So until the words come back.. I guess I'm out.