My answer: "I can't say I know you well enough now to answer that, but you haven't given me a reason to not trust you."
Then he proceeded to let me know that he wants to earn the trust of his current girlfriend back, and as a result would like to stop communicating in the future, at least until he's proven himself trustworthy to her. I respect that.
But what that did was just unearth a philosophy that has been dormant in the sub-basement cubicles of my brain, and lead to a twitter discussion that tried to answer the question: "should exes be friends, much less be in contact?"
And of course people immediately began to come up with "levels" of exes such as:
- Length of dating period
- Extent of relationship (were you in love, friends before you dated, etc.)
- Why you broke up
So since my walk with God is pretty practical (I fight with God all the time about making me wait for a better relationship), here's what I've concluded on the matter, regardless of situation/people involved/timing:
- If your initial relationship was based on Godly principles, you probably wouldn't even have to deal with this issue because you wouldn't have gotten too deep with someone or even into a relationship without clearing things with God himself. If you say you're saved and you claim Jesus as your Lord, you would have considered him in the decision to even START with that person. But if you didn't....
- If your new girlfriend or boyfriend is made to feel uncomfortable by the type of relationship you have with your exes (even if it is innocent), it is your job to make them feel comfortable. I don't know about you, but I don't enter into exclusive relationships unless they have marriage potential. So if you look at your current gf/bf as such, why would you even want to risk it just for a fleeting friendship from a past chapter? Speaking of chapters...
- Life is full of seasons! Yeah, we hear it all the time at graduations/weddings/New Year's Watchnight services: "This is the start of a new chapter in your life. A clean slate. Make the most of it." But somehow when we apply this same life lesson to relationships, we want to alter the belief to fit what we want. This is where we go wrong. When relationships end, thats the end of that season. You don't need to go back there.
- Bible reference: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
- "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven"
No matter how you feel about the topic, we all gotta be mindful of who our decisions affect in the long run. Keep that in mind next time you want to open how your mind to an ex.