Love Re-invented.

So I fell in love. And then I fell out. I know, I sound like yet another nauseating Hollywood script flop that spent more dollars on the so-called A-list actors hired to play the pitiful lead roles than the money it got from viewers in the box office (think Gigli, Glitter... AHH! i Just called my self a real life J-Lo.. sick). But, it's true. And now all I feel is guilt for ever letting my guard down, because I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. Even God was screaming at me through the sound of my dad reciting scripture: "Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life." [Proverbs 4:23] And now, here I am, after going against not only my own gut instinct, but the instincts of just about everyone I considered close to me. I pushed away the people who meant the most to me due to pride and I have nothing to show for it, except a messed up relationship that wasn't even grounded in the first place. I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING! I don't think I'm silly or naive. But blinded? Well, maybe... ehh.. well the point is, now I feel jilted.

So what's a jilted 19-year old, chemical engineering student, Christian woman, to do? Ha, and here I'd thought you'd NEVER ask! Well, I'm reinventing love. Sounds easy, right? Hahaha. And, for all of you people in love and in solid relationships, hear me out -- I'm not reinventing love in general, but what the definition of love is for myself. And I'm not sure what it means just yet. So for now, I'm focused on finding that meaning in and of itself and what it is to me. And for all of my Sisters (and Brothers) out there who may feel jilted, or rather may not have anything at all and is wondering where their Mister/Miss Right is, remember the words of Christ (because that's what I'm holding on to) : "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths" [Proverbs 3:5-6]. If you trust in Him first, then everything else will fall into its place.

And in that place, my four lettered word will be re-invented. And to all those I hurt along this discovery road, I apologize.

-Ari.Maria-